keep losing myself


It has been two months plus my stay in Malaysia for the summer holiday, and now I am searching for a bus ticket from Heathrow terminal 4 to Cardiff bus station. pheww.. how times fly.. I mean really fly.

During these days I have been through a lot of new experiences. There were memories that had been carved firmly in my heart. Those were sweet memories and not to forget the bitter one. Up and down. Starting with becoming one of the committee for the biggest event for Iluvislam which is WOW ( a pre-departure programmes for student living abroad) which was really unforgettable experience for me. I met new peoples, new environment and testing myselft to the limit which i did not know.

After that, I was busy with puasa, this puasa was quite a memorable journey for me. There were news about a friend of mine or a friend to my friend who passed away just before puasa and I did not know whether I would be able to see Ramadhan this year. Thus, I prayed a lot to Allah SWT and he granted my wish. I met and finished Ramadhan. However, I think I let Him down in this Ramadhan :(

I think it is very difficult for me to be istiqamah in everything I do. I am struggling. I keep losing my focus on everything. Almost everything. Sometimes, I do feel I am confused with what I want in this world. erm.. not really..Actually I know I want to be in the heaven in the hereafter but I am losing my focus in drawing my path to the heaven. keep losing it. I did draw my path but then I felt there was someone who would erase my drawing.

However, my life has been so good to me. So far. I have not encountered any 'bala's or any heartbreaking news that are hard for me to handle eventhough I am bad to Allah. Alhamdulillah for that.

ok. after puasa. then the solely reason of why I booked my flight ticket earlier that everyone else. My brother wedding. Well, for this wedding I was really different compared to the other two weddings before. Luckily I got my friend here, so I just entertained her during the wedding. huhu. Well sorry farid, I know I was not a good helper.

I think it's enough if I stop here. I am tired of ranting. This post might be a very messed up writing. but trust me, it is how the condition of my brain and my heart right now.

o Allah. SOS!

p/s: but actually aku hanya ada idea menulis bila aku ada masalah.


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